Archive | July, 2010

Guest Post: Keeping It Real (Spicy)!

2 Jul

Today’s guest post is courtesy of Angela of Lost in Splendor. Angela was the first person I think I ever connected with in the blog world, and we’ve been friends ever since. She’s optimistic, cynical and artsy, which a flair for colour. She is a bunny mom who lives with her partner KC, and is an admin for the Color Me Happy Swaparooni on Flickr. We’ve both been suffering a case of blogging malaise recently, and hopefully this will help bring her back to blogging. Enjoy!

–C

Hello Everyone! My name is Angela and I blog at www.lostinsplendor.com. I have been blogging since 2003, but when I started my blog I worked at a job that had me sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day so I had plenty of time to devote to writing. I now work at a job that has me driving in a car for 12 hours a day. Needless to say my blogging life has suffered immensely.  I was very touched when Carly asked me to be a guest blogger and I choose the topic Grow with high hopes of writing a fabulous entry. I think it slipped my mind why my own blog is rarely updated as it is now 24 hours from the deadline she gave me with about one hour free to complete my entry. Why am I such a procrastinator! I’m supposed to be writing about how I have grown as a person. Sorry Carly!

Instead of trying to cram in an entry and give you something not worthy of your time I am instead sharing with you one of my favorite entries and one that I feel everyone can get something out of.


My Favorite Relationship Advice

From time to time people ask me for relationship advice. I sort of find this insane usually. I mean my last relationship sort of crashed and burned to the ground and that makes me feel VERY unqualified to give any sort of advice on relationships. People should be giving me advice, in my opinion. Then they bring up the point that my last relationship, even as bad as it was at times, made it to six and a half years and my current one just passed the one year mark so I must be doing something right.

I got to thinking about that. Is it really me doing something right? I don’t know. There are some things that I make sure to do especially in this new relationship to try to keep things fresh and the romance alive. It’s just what works for me. I think everyone has to find what works best in their own situation. In any case, I bring you this list of my favorite relationship advice.

1. Take all relationship advice with a grain of salt. This sort of echoes what I wrote above, but it bears repeating. What might work perfectly for one couple may turn weird and awkward in your own. I enjoy reading relationship articles and I would say about 85% of the time I find the advice to be complete crap. Especially if that advice is found in Redbook. (For instance, I recently read an article on sweet little things you can do to show your significant other that you care. One of the tips was sneak onto “his” computer and change “his” screen saver to a picture of you. That might be sweet to someone, but in most cases I think it would be taken as creepy, narcissistic and it lacks respect for the others privacy.)

2. Do the little things that show you care. Last night I had to pick Kasey up at work at 9:00 pm. She seemed stressed and tired when I talked to her on the phone earlier so I wanted to something special for her. So I called her favorite restaurant an hour before she was done working and ordered her BBQ wings to go. I had to drive a half hour to pick them up and a half hour back, but when I told her I had gotten her dinner she seemed so touched it was supremely worth it. It cost about $10 for the wings and fries and $5 for the gas, but meant so much to her. It’s hard to remember to do something everyday, but I think doing something nice at least 3 times a week is a great start.

3. Be an individual and have your own interests. Sure Kasey thinks me making 1000 paper cranes is insane, but she enjoys telling people I’m into origami and talking to me about it. Would she ever eat eel? Probably not. However, she is always more than willing to pick me up some sushi and she loves that I am adventurous with foods. I could also go into rants about feminism and how I hate it when women walk all over rights other women fought for and she’ll nod and listen. On the other hand I find it really sexy how much she loves music and how she plays the drums and the piano. We don’t like the same movies all the time, but few things are cuter than her telling me all about some trailer she saw for some new action movie. Oh and the reading. How hot is a butch that can read for hours? I love that! I don’t want to be with someone just like me and I don’t think anyone would.

4. Have sex. Sex is one of those topics I am unbelievably open about conversationally, but I keep it to a whisper here. I’m not unlike a gay man with my sexual desires so I try to keep that to myself online as much as possible. In any case, I think it’s very important to the well being of a relationship to have consistent sex. I’m currently not sure myself how consistent that should be. I guess it’s something you should figure out for yourself, but in any relationship I think you shouldn’t let anymore than two months pass without having sex with each other. It helps keep that bond alive and makes you feel closer. Even better is if you can agree on new sexual situations that you both want to explore. That will make the bond even deeper. (Though exploring something your not comfortable with will have the adverse effects.) I have been trying to keep the love alive so to speak about twice a week, but I’m not sure if this is too much or not. Personally, I’m one of those people who thinks it could never be too much. (TMI?)

5. Speak up for yourself. This is probably the one I am worst at. Sometimes it is hard to be assertive and tell the other one when you are ticked off. To keep a relationship functioning properly it’s really important to bring it up when something is ticking you off. Do it in a productive way, though. Don’t just freak out about something and start yelling. Bring it up calmly and tell them what is bothering you.

6. Be uplifting. Maybe your partner has big dreams. Whats wrong with a little ambition? As long as they aren’t letting it rule their lives they will feel really good about you supporting them. It’s also important to compliment their good points. Did they wash the dishes, clean up after the pets, remember to call you? Let them know how much you appreciate that. What about their appearance? New haircut? Wearing a nice outfit? Tell them! Everyone likes getting complimented, your partner included.

7. Don’t try to get them to be someone their not. If the person you are with drinks a lot of beer and watches sports daily don’t get committed to them thinking they will change. Maybe they will, but more then likely that is just part of who they are. If you can’t deal with that then they probably aren’t for you. This brings me to my next point…

8. Know when to call it quits. This is a big one. It’s also hard. Sometimes it just isn’t working out and as hard as you try it’s just not going to work. You can drag it out and both be miserable or you can go your separate ways and find someone who is better for you. This might make you miserable for a while to, but no one should compromise themselves or who they are for someone else.

9. Be comfortable around the other person. You know that commercial where the woman promises never to wear a flannel nightgown? I hate that commercial. If you can’t handle the thought of your future partner in a flannel nightgown you can’t handle marriage. I will certainly be sleeping in comfortable pajamas. I will walk around the house in sweatpants. You know what? It certainly makes them take notice when the sexy lingerie comes out. You should be able to be yourself around your spouse. Myself wears sweats at home and talks about how much my vagina hurts when I have my period.

10. Touch is important. I read once that the average American couple only touches twice a day including sex. That really surprised me. I think touch is so important. It is comforting and will bring you and your partner closer. Add in little bits of touch to your day. Perhaps a massage before bed? Stroking their face? Rubbing their head? It all makes a big difference in how close the two of you feel.

11. Does your face light up? Sometimes Oprah may seem full of crap, but some of her advice has really impacted my life. She was once talking about how it’s important when looking at children for your face to light up when you see them or when they walk in the room. It shows that you love them, care about them and are happy to see them. It’s great advice that I think has a huge impact. I think it’s great to use it with your significant other too. Does your face show them how happy you are to see them?

12. A kiss goodbye and a friendly greeting make all the difference. It takes so little time to kiss your partner goodbye, but many times it’s overlooked. It’s a little thing that really means a lot. Also when reuniting after a day apart take a little time to reconnect. How was your day? It’s so lovely to see you. Again the little things that mean a lot. I hear you. I see you. I love you.

13. Find new things to experience with each other. Whether it’s going to a new town together, trying a new restaurant or taking a class together to learn something new it’s fun and exciting to try something new with your partner. It gives you more to talk about and maybe you both love it and maybe you don’t, but it’s important to switch up the routine sometimes.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and thank you Carly for inviting me to share on your wonderful website.

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